Expert insights reveal that fostering genuine confidence in teens hinges on providing opportunities for testing limits, embracing discomfort, and earning trust, rather than just offering praise or reassurance.
Parents often try to build confidence in teenagers with encouragement, praise and reassurance. But as Jasmyne Chandler argues in a conversation on “Parenting Shrink Wrapped”, confidence is not something adults can simply hand over. It grows when young people have chances to test themselves, endure discomfort and realise they can cope.
Chandler, a trauma-informed life coach for teens, young adults and parents and the founder of Guided Passages, describes leading wilderness trips where teenagers carry their own gear, hike into camp, switch off their phones and take part in group councils. The aim is not adventure for its own sake. It is to give young people evidence that they can do hard things, a lesson that is often more powerful than hearing “you can do it” from a parent.
That approach fits with what child and adolescent guidance sites say about confidence. Aetna Better Health of Michigan defines it as a realistic, secure belief in one’s abilities, while Youth Ranch says authentic confidence comes from competence and contribution, not praise alone. In other words, teenagers need repeated chances to practise skills, solve problems and see that effort leads to progress.
The conversation also touches on something many parents overlook: teenagers want to be taken seriously. Chandler’s group councils ask questions such as what teens are ready to leave behind, what they want to step into and what has been holding them back. That kind of listening matters because adolescence is a stage when status, approval and belonging can weigh heavily, according to Science Insights. When adults make room for a teenager’s voice, they may be doing more than offering advice; they may be signalling trust.
That trust is especially important because many teenagers carry harsh inner criticism. Chandler says she sees self-hatred, comparison, judgment and bullying thoughts, all of which social media can intensify. Science Insights notes that practical steps such as shifting self-talk and changing how teens use social media can help, while Talk It Out NC says confidence is built through everyday interactions, not a single pep talk. The Cleveland Clinic also stresses that parents cannot remove every stressor, but they can help teens build coping skills that make challenges feel manageable.
There is no need for every family to organise a backcountry trek. The broader lesson is simpler: give teenagers real responsibility, let them stretch before stepping in, mark important transitions and point out what they handled well. Acknowledging effort in specific terms, rather than offering vague praise, can help a young person connect struggle with growth. That is the heart of the article’s message: confidence is built when teenagers are allowed to become capable, not just told they already are.
Disclaimer: This content is for informational purposes only and is not intended to be a substitute for professional medical judgment, advice, diagnosis, or treatment.
