People with social anxiety can gradually build confidence by testing feared predictions, shifting attention outwards and resisting habits that keep avoidance going.
Mary has found that living with social anxiety is not something that changes overnight, but it can be managed. After finishing her undergraduate degree, she received NHS support in the form of cognitive behavioural therapy, or CBT, and says that treatment helped her begin to cope more confidently while she moved on to postgraduate study.
CBT is widely regarded as the standard psychological treatment for social anxiety because it helps people notice, question and reshape unhelpful thoughts and habits. The NHS describes it as a talking therapy that can be accessed through a GP or, in some areas, by self-referral. Guidance from the health service also recommends self-help steps such as identifying triggers, practising relaxation and gradually facing situations that feel frightening.
Prof David Clark, a psychologist at the University of Oxford, said he would like more people to come forward for therapy, but added that there are also practical steps people can take on their own. He says the first is to stop turning attention inward and constantly checking for signs of embarrassment. Instead, he advises focusing on the other person, the discussion or the surrounding environment.
Clark also recommends testing feared outcomes in small, real-world situations, such as asking a question in a meeting or speaking up in a group, and then observing what actually happens. He says people with social anxiety often predict humiliation or rejection, and that behaving differently can help disrupt those expectations. He also warns against so-called safety behaviours, such as rehearsing every sentence in advance, avoiding eye contact or clinging to one familiar person, because they can keep anxiety going. Finally, he says it is important not to dwell on every interaction afterwards, since post-event rumination can distort what really happened.
Mary said she recognises that pattern well. She described spending a lot of time replaying conversations in her head, but said progress has come gradually, helped by therapy and by encouragement from a friend who challenged her assumption that she was unlikeable or socially awkward. She is now pushing herself to do more, including joining an astronomy group, and says smaller postgraduate teaching groups have made things easier, even if social situations still do not always go as planned.
Disclaimer: This content is for informational purposes only and is not intended to be a substitute for professional medical judgment, advice, diagnosis, or treatment.
