Special education attorney Frances Shefter emphasises the importance of parent participation, documentation, and tailored support in the IEP process to ensure children receive the appropriate help they need to succeed.
Parents often sense that something is wrong long before they can name the problem. A child may be struggling with reading, resisting homework every evening, or falling behind even after extra help, yet school staff may still reassure the family that all is well. In a recent conversation on the Jennifer Awesome Podcast, special education attorney Frances Shefter argued that the most important shift for families is recognising that parents are not on the sidelines of the Individualised Education Programme process. They are part of the team, and that changes everything about how they ask for help, review data and push for an evaluation.
One of Shefter’s clearest messages is that concerns should be put in writing. A verbal conversation in the corridor may be forgotten or disputed later, but an email to the school creates a record of what was raised and when. That matters because the process often begins with a simple request: ask the school to look at the issue, be specific about what you are seeing and explain that you want an evaluation or other support. The California Department of Education says parents have the right to participate in special education decisions and to consent to assessments, while New York City’s education department similarly says families can bring people with knowledge of the child to meetings and should be fully involved in the process.
Shefter also urged parents not to confuse co-operation with passivity. IEP meetings can feel intimidating, especially when a table is filled with teachers, therapists, psychologists and administrators who know the system well. But the family brings a different kind of expertise. Parents know the child’s history, routines, triggers, strengths and setbacks in a way no school employee can. According to parent-advocacy guidance from Find Parent Advocates, families are entitled to ask questions and seek clarification, and that right is central to effective participation. If the school says progress is being made, parents can ask for the data, the baseline and the strategy behind the claim.
Another theme in Shefter’s comments was the danger of letting “wait and see” become an automatic answer. Sometimes a short period of observation is reasonable, but it should not be a substitute for meaningful action when a child is clearly struggling. Families often hear that a service would be too expensive or difficult to provide, but Shefter’s view was that the discussion should stay focused on what the child needs. That is consistent with the wider framework under the Individuals with Disabilities Education Act, which places the emphasis on an appropriate education rather than on convenience for the district. The school may have budget pressures, but those pressures do not resolve the question of what support is necessary.
Shefter also stressed that special education must be individualised. A diagnosis alone does not tell a school exactly what to do, because two children with the same label may need very different support. A service that helps one student may still carry a cost for another if it means missed classroom instruction, repeated pull-outs or added anxiety. That kind of balancing act is part of the process, not a reason to stop asking questions. The goal is not simply to decide whether a support works in theory, but whether it works for this child in this setting.
As children get older, they should also begin to understand their own accommodations and supports. Shefter described involving her own daughter in parts of the conversation so she could learn what helps her and eventually advocate for herself. That does not mean every child should sit through every meeting. For some, hearing adults discuss challenges for an hour may be too much. But the broader point remains: a student cannot speak up for an accommodation they do not know exists. For parents who are overwhelmed, Shefter’s advice was simple and practical: trust your instincts, ask the next question and keep going until the answer makes sense. The work is difficult, but parents do not have to be experts to be effective advocates.
Disclaimer: This content is for informational purposes only and is not intended to be a substitute for professional medical judgment, advice, diagnosis, or treatment.
