New guidance emphasises early conversations with children to prevent abuse from trusted adults

Expert advice highlights the importance of teaching children about the difference between safe surprises and dangerous secrets, encouraging open dialogue to protect from harm by familiar adults.

Parents who want to protect children from abuse are often taught to focus on strangers, but the greater risk usually lies elsewhere: in the adults a child already knows, trusts and may even love. The central danger is not always force or overt threats. It is silence, and silence is often built through secrets.

Research cited in the lead article suggests most reported cases of child sexual abuse involve someone the child already knows, not a stranger. That is why experts urge families to talk early and often about the difference between a harmless surprise and a damaging secret. A birthday present kept under wraps for a few days is one thing; an adult asking a child to hide worrying behaviour is quite another.

The idea needs to be simple enough for a young child to remember. Child safety resources from Clark County’s Children’s Justice Centre, the Cleveland Clinic, Childhelp and the Safe Child Guide all make the same basic distinction: surprises are temporary and meant to be shared later, while unsafe secrets create fear, shame or confusion and should be told to a trusted adult straight away. The Australian Government’s National Office for Child Safety also recommends using everyday language, so children understand that they can say no, recognise uncomfortable touch and speak up if something feels wrong.

Parents are often advised to watch behaviour rather than reputation. A person who asks children to keep secrets, offers gifts that set them apart, presses for one-to-one time, ignores boundaries or undermines parents may be crossing lines even if they seem warm or helpful on the surface. Cleveland Clinic guidance on “tricky people” says this is exactly why children should be taught to notice actions, not just familiarity.

The conversation does not need to be formal or frightening. The lead article suggests using car journeys, bedtime and other ordinary moments to talk about body safety, to name body parts correctly and to build a short list of trusted adults a child can turn to. Role-play can also help. A child who practices what to do if a secret feels “gooey”, scary or upsetting is more likely to speak up in real life.

If a child does disclose something troubling, the response matters. Child protection specialists advise staying calm, listening without pressing for details, praising the child for speaking, making clear that the abuse was not their fault and reporting concerns to police or child protection services rather than trying to investigate alone. The same principle applies whether the child is at home, at school or in custody: no adult should ever tell a child to stay quiet about abuse.