Experts advocate for teaching boundaries early to enhance children's safety and agency

Ashley Bendiksen emphasizes the importance of introducing boundary-setting as a foundational skill for children aged five to nine, aiming to equip them with the confidence to recognise discomfort and communicate needs before facing unsafe situations.

Ashley Bendiksen is urging parents and teachers to treat boundaries as a skill children can learn early, not a crisis lesson reserved for later. In a recent episode of the 10-Minute Teacher Podcast, she said the goal is to give young children the words and confidence to speak up before they find themselves in unsafe or unhealthy situations.

Bendiksen, who has spent years working in abuse prevention and trauma resilience, said her thinking has shifted towards early intervention. Rather than waiting until young people are already struggling with dating violence, bullying or coercive friendships, she wants adults to teach small, practical habits that help children notice discomfort, use their voice and say no when needed.

That message is the basis of her new book, “A Kids Book About Boundaries”, published by Penguin Random House. The book is aimed at children aged five to nine and is designed to be read alongside a caregiver, with enough open space in the format to encourage discussion. According to the publisher, it covers physical, emotional and social boundaries and is meant to help children identify unsafe situations and communicate their needs clearly.

Bendiksen also argues that boundaries are not only about touch. They can include emotional limits, personal space, time, and even the right not to be pushed into choices that do not feel right. For children, she said, learning that they have agency can be as important as any single safety rule. For adults, the book is meant to offer a shared language that can be reinforced in classrooms and at home over time.

The podcast conversation also turned to teachers, who often struggle with people-pleasing and the pressure to be available at all hours. Bendiksen said staff can model healthy limits in small ways, such as telling families when emails will be answered, building in emergency lesson plans, or setting deadlines that do not require midnight work. She also suggested simple classroom role-play exercises, where children practise what to say when they do not want to share, play a game or hand over their work.

Davis framed the lesson as one that cuts both ways: children need to learn how to protect their own boundaries, and how to respect other people’s. Bendiksen agreed, saying teachers can use everyday moments to redirect disrespectful behaviour without turning every incident into a formal lesson. The larger point, she said, is that boundary-setting does not have to be complicated. It begins with repeated, ordinary moments in which adults show children that their voice matters.

For anyone facing domestic violence or dating abuse, the National Domestic Violence Hotline is available 24/7 on 1-800-799-7233, with a TTY line at 1-800-787-3224. Love is Respect offers support for teens and young adults on 1-866-331-9474 or by text at LOVEIS to 22522.