Understanding how children grieve may be key to supporting their healing

Many children who lose a parent or sibling hide their grief, making it harder for adults to recognise and support their emotional needs. Experts emphasise the importance of creating space for children to remember and express their feelings to prevent long-term harm.

Children who lose a parent or sibling often do not look like they are grieving in ways adults expect. They may seem to carry on at school, play with friends and avoid talking about the death, but that silence can hide pain rather than heal it. In a personal essay for New York Family, a marketing leader at Comfort Zone Camp described how her mother’s death from breast cancer at 13 was met with avoidance at home, leaving her and her siblings to learn that grief was something not to be named.

That experience reflects a wider reality. The Childhood Bereavement Estimation Model, developed by Judi’s House, estimates that about 6.6 million children in the United States will lose a parent or sibling by age 18. ABC News has also reported on the estimate as roughly one in 12 children nationally, while the model’s own figures suggest the number is closer to one in 11. However it is expressed, the scale is large enough that many classrooms, sports teams and neighbourhoods include children carrying this kind of loss.

Experts say the problem is not only the death itself, but how adults respond afterwards. Lynne Hughes, founder and chief executive of Comfort Zone Camp, told New York Family that children often grieve in short bursts rather than continuously, which means their distress can be missed or misread. Gina Moffa, a grief and trauma therapist, said unresolved grief can resurface at major life stages, including when a child becomes a parent or reaches the age they were when the loss occurred. The consequences can be serious: the 2025 CBEM National Report found bereaved children are twice as likely to face major difficulties at home, and teachers overwhelmingly say grief affects learning.

For parents and other caregivers, the message is less about finding perfect words and more about making space. Hughes advises adults to validate a child’s feelings, avoid pretending to know the answer to why the death happened, and talk plainly about what happens next so the child feels safer. Moffa said children do not need a parent who has mastered grief, only one who can stay present through it. For adults outside the immediate family, the same applies: saying the person’s name, listening without changing the subject and not acting as if the death is unspeakable can make a grieving child feel less alone. The New York Family essay ends with a simple plea: children need room to remember, not pressure to move on.