Rethinking child stubbornness: a sign of healthy development, not bad behaviour

Mental health consultant Walaa Shabana advises that child stubbornness can reflect learned behaviour and healthy growth, urging parents to distinguish between harmful obstinacy and independence, and to guide it positively through balanced choices.

Child stubbornness should not automatically be read as bad behaviour, according to mental health consultant Walaa Shabana, who argued on Extra News that a child’s resistance can reflect what they have picked up from adults at home. She said children absorb not only habits but also facial expressions and reactions, and may push back as a learned response rather than through random defiance.

Shabana said the real mistake many adults make is underestimating how quickly a child’s mind develops. In her view, turning every disagreement into a contest of wills can strengthen the very behaviour parents want to reduce. She drew a clear line between harmful obstinacy, which may need firmer boundaries, and healthy independence, which can signal confidence and a growing sense of self. Psychology Today has made a similar point, noting that stubbornness can be part of a child’s development and, when handled well, can support resilience and independence.

Her advice is to give children limited choices in everyday matters, such as what to wear or how to arrange a meal, so they can feel some control without the household losing structure. She suggested offering only three options at a time, saying too many can overwhelm a child. On food, she recommended a practical approach: present healthy meals in familiar forms, such as protein prepared in a style a child already likes, rather than forcing an outright battle over taste. The aim, she said, is balance: enough freedom for a child to grow, but clear limits so stubbornness does not harden into a lasting pattern. Psychology Today likewise argues that stubbornness can be guided positively rather than simply suppressed.