Parenting experts emphasise routine and exposure to ease school lunch anxieties

As parents transition back to school routines, experts highlight that consistent routines and gradual food exposure can reduce mealtime stress and foster healthier eating habits in children without unnecessary pressure or perfection.

As the long, loose rhythm of summer gives way to school timetables, many parents find the return to packed lunches, fixed meal times and after-school routines more exhausting than the children’s version of the transition. On Modern Mommy Doc, Whitney Casares spoke with registered dietitian Shira Sussi about how families can ease back into term-time eating without turning every meal into a test of parenting. Sussi, who founded Shira Sussi Nutrition after nearly a decade in clinical practice, said the pressure many parents feel is often magnified by social media, where idealised portrayals of family life can make ordinary setbacks feel like failures.

One of the episode’s clearest messages is that fussy eating is usually not a sign that something has gone wrong. Researchers at the University of Sydney say selective eating is common in early childhood, often peaking around age 3 and easing as children become more socially engaged at preschool and school. A recent review in Nutrients found that repeated exposure to foods tends to help most children broaden what they will eat over time, although a smaller group experiences more persistent patterns that can be linked with sensory sensitivity or anxiety. That distinction matters, because it suggests many mealtime struggles are developmental rather than a reflection of parental effort.

Sussi also argued against the idea that parents must either hand children total freedom or tightly police every bite. Instead, she pointed to the division of responsibility approach, which gives adults control over what foods are offered and when, while children decide whether and how much to eat. In practical terms, that can mean sending school lunches with a limited set of choices rather than an open-ended buffet, and speaking about foods in neutral terms rather than labelling some as “junk” and others as “good”. She said routine can help too: repeating familiar dinners such as taco night or pasta night is not a sign of laziness but a way to reduce decision fatigue and create predictability for children.

The episode also emphasised that exposure to food is broader than the final meal sitting in front of a child. Shopping, washing, chopping and even smelling ingredients can all help children become more comfortable with new foods. That matters because some children who look picky on the surface may simply need time, repetition and lower pressure, while others may need closer attention if limited eating becomes persistent and severe. Research summarised by the Association for Child and Adolescent Mental Health has suggested that entrenched picky eating can sometimes signal wider developmental issues, so parents are advised not to dismiss ongoing, extreme restriction if it is affecting growth, behaviour or daily life.

Still, Sussi’s overall message was reassuring rather than alarmist: family meals do not need to be perfect to be worthwhile. Children are often shaped less by whether they ate every vegetable on a Tuesday than by the emotional tone of mealtimes over months and years. A calmer kitchen, more predictable routines and less guilt, she suggested, may do more for long-term eating habits than one polished lunchbox ever could.